Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
