They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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