Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
