I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
did i walk over a car last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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