I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
