Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
