I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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