The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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