no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
