So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
