If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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