hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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