The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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