I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
