I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
