I just pynch a tree in the face
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
