you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
