what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
