btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
