Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
