how can u be prego again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
