Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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