I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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