I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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