You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
