dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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