Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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