the condom got lost in my hair
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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