I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
