Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
