No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
