If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
