Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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