your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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