i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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