ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
