yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
