Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
