Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
