There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
