Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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