please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
