This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
