i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What drink are we having for lunch?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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