dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
