worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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