Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize