Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
