apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
