I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
