I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
