she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
