god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
