he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
