Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
