my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
