so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
