he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
