great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
