I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I will pee on everything he values.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
