Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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