ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
