I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
